I'll try to be brief and give details without too much other unless you ask for it..
My husband is youngest of 6 children
Oldest 3 have DPOA and oldest has Med. Surr.
Mom and Dad both had/have AD diagn. 4yr ago
BIL paid for addition on our house through POA and daddy's money for momma and daddy to live in
my husband and I took his mom and dad into our home in Aug 2002.
I had to give up job to care for momma and daddy , BIL very reluctantly after 2 months of refusing to started to suppliment us for our loss of income in March (Momma and Daddy have income of $1500 mon) we were paid $800.
Daddy had to placed in NH as he didn't realize momma was dying. He was killing her with sexual advances and pulled a knife on my husband
Momma died May 31
We had no family help or support at all. Momma and Daddy only left our house 2 times without us before her death.
We agreed to take daddy back in the home after momma died as long as we could.
BIL stopped supplimental income, as "daddy wasn't as bad as Momma'. Yet I can not leave him to get a job or even run a paper route as I would not be able to sleep during the morning hours.
I have been suffering from extreme depression since momma's death. I have lost 40 lbs, been clinically diagnosed and no longer can handle the pressure of an AD patient and financial difficulties on top of it.
BIL refuses to place in a NH.
We called Elder hotline to see if they could help. They have investigated for extortion, but I stated that I didn't think they were spending daddy's money, just not spending it on him, and he is not being abused since we are keeping him.
NO ONE CAN HELP US. I am a slave to the family. They do not contact us at all except to make threats and I don't know what to do anymore. I was told that I could apply for guardianship, but it would be very expensive and contested and take months. I don't think I can make it "months". I literally feel as if I am dying.
Is there any hope for me? Please? I am hopeless right now.

Momma died May 2003

Momma died May 31, 2003 (a VERY HARD YEAR)

I think I should add that daddy was only in the NH for one month.

after thinkinga bout my post and reading it over I thought I should add a little more. Obviously our situation is an unusual and difficult one.
The threats from the family are because they seem to think that we entered into a verbal agreement with them to keep momma and daddy for the rest of their lives in exchange for the addition which ended up (another long story) costing close to $30,000. We made no such agreement, however if we had, I did keep momma (months of total non-stop care for endstage AD patient done ONLY ..well.. Hospice was wonderful)until her dying day. Daddy was placed in NH and we at the time of bringing him back stated clearly that I could only care for him in the home as long as I could do it. I can no longer do it. I can't! We are not able to place him as he would be private pay now since his assets are over the level, his income is $1200 a month. The family's threats are to try to force us to pay back the money for the addition, etc. I don't think they can do this. But they've managed to get everything they want thus far and I don't know any more what they can do.
I guess that's all.

Linda

Ok, Lets look at the situation. Sometimes it seems totally unmanagable. But with the proper insight and knowledge even the the most daunting task can be conquered.

First take a deep breath. Your sense of powerlessness is totally of your own making. Have you ever heard the "The bear can ride you,or you can ride the bear"? Well, time to get on up on that bear.

Second, you are not a slave, you are a human being who has chosen to be a caregiver. You are not expected to be super human. There comes a time in every caregiver's journey where they can no longer do it. They can no longer carry the burden by themselves and sometimes not at all. When you hit that point, its time to bail out before the plane crashes.

Third, you have options. The DPOA is usually tasked with looking out for the best interests of the person, but this does not always happen. Your option is to file a guardianship action to take control of the situation. The expense in born by the ward, not you. You are merely taking action to protect the ward, for the ward's benefit. Once the petition is filed the DPOA's authority is immediately termintated.

Fourth, the monies used to improve the house should not be an issue. It is a factual question though and one that I would need more info to comment on further.

Strongly consider the guardianship option. I hate to see families blow up, but sometimes do gotta do what you gotta do.

Sean.

Thank you for replying Sean
I realize that ours in a different and difficult situation.
Since I originally posted, we were told by DCF to send a 30 day notice to the POA's telling them that we would no longer be responsible for care or lodging of my husband's father. We did this via certified, return receipt mail. This letter crossed in the mail system a letter from their attorney to us. The letter was actually just an intiminating letter telling us that Daddy had the right to live in the addition for the remainder of his life or we were responsible to pay him for the cost of the addition. A couple of the "facts" in the letter were not true regarding the addition (we have proof of costs and items that we personally paid for).
I wish you worked in Volusia County. I have contacted my lawyer, but am waiting for him to call me back. I really don't know where to go from here, I'm sure that they will not take Daddy within the 30 days, and we had planned to take daddy to the oldest BIL with DPOA, but I really don't know if that is the proper thing to do.
If we were to go for guardianship, which would be hotly contested, if for some reason we did not get it, I'm assuming we would be responsible for the lawyer costs, which really scares me as right now we have given up a substancial portion of our income to care for daddy (and before momma)and we just don't have the financial resources other than a credit card, which we just don't want to do unless absolutely necessary.
Anyway, we will do what we gotta do, but just want to do what's right... ??
Thanks again for any input.

Linda

Regarding the lawyer cost. You should not be responsible even if you are not appointed guardian. The court looks at it that you are doing a service to the ward. Not harming him. For example, you are not petitoning for a guardianship your intitial pleadings are called a petition to determine capacity. Now doesn't that sound less intimidating.


Sean.

Sean
I'm assuming that to determine capacity, this is the form that you file with the clerk of court personally (not through your lawyer)? I had looked into doing this one time before with the thought of using the Baker Act on Daddy to get him placed. He was placed for a month in March by being Baker Acted directly through the hospital. I have a form here at the house to fill out somewhere that I picked up from the Marchman House in Daytona Beach a couple of months ago. I hadn't thought of using it to start a guardianship proceding. But then I'm really ignorant of the procedings in this process.
Thank you so much for your help with this. I finally feel a little more in control. Can you tell from my postings? Thanks! Linda

Linda

Linda, go see a Guardianship lawyer in your area. He or she can give you the skinny on guardianship.

Sean

Sean
I was told by an attorney that a guardinship would cost..$2500.00 retainer fee and $200.00 per hour is this correct?

Mike

That sounds about right. The fees for guardianship are one of the reasons I always put such a priority on getting a durable power of attorney.

Sean.