Hi. My name is Peaches and I am in the process of taking care of my mother. It's very hard in the fact that I had to give up a lot of things and put a lot of things off in my life, and I am trying to get back to my life at the same time, helping my mother to give a damn about her life herself. I can't seem to impress upon her that I can care for her in the caregiving aspect, but that she has to want to want live her life and not just float through it and depend on me to do it all. I can't and am getting very burned out. Please. Someone give me some better coping strategies than I presently have at my disposal. Thank you for listening.

One thing that has helped me is the realization that she is not doing IT to me. Despite how much it feels like she has some sort of malicious intent to get me, she is not purposefully trying to hurt me. And when that doesnt work I fall back to its the disease talking and not her. Now I realize, boy do I realize, that that is easier said then done, but you got to keep trying.

I recently heard somewhere that the alz asscocitaion has a respite program. I dont have any specifics but you could call them.

Gregory

sometimes we have to remember that the best way to take care of someone is to make sure that we are taking care of ourselves as well. I know that in several situations I have neglected myself and untimately the person that suffers in the end is the person we are caring for. Hang in there. I'm sure this is a really tough time

hi i ma about to move to florida to help care for my mom,presently its my si who is doing this,,is there respite provided by medicaide or some other organization??? my sis will burn out soon,,and with our big move and sis going to move at the same time it will be very hard!

dear lillie,
there are programs which offer free respite care thru the AAA 727-217-8111 "the caregivers program,also a new pilot program call NH Diversion" which is covered by medicaid..
if you need more resources or any other help,
please contact me at 727-418-7954.
Gilda

hey pnhp! Coping. Its an art. Every day I paint a new picture. Who is the person that used to be my mom going to be today? How can I repaint it so it does not kill me. It is a challenge but one that I try to whip every day. I try to turn it into a game, I smile alot when I don't want to. The act of smiling tricks my mind that this is really funny. It helps.

G.

Lillie,
The Alzheimer's Association also has a respite care assistance program that can help you and your sister. Call at (800) 772-8672

Like Dana Dana said, it's important to "take the oxygen first." You have to make your own physical, mental and emotional health a priority. It's easier said than done - we're brought up to believe it's better to give than receive, that our focus should be on others and not ourselves, that we shouldn't be selfish, etc. When scheduling time for yourself, and doing things to take care of yourself, don't think of it as "taking away" from the care you're giving. Don't think of it as "neglecting" the other person or being selfish. Think of it as something you're doing FOR that person so you can provide higher-quality care.

Spending all the time in the world with someone who needs you DOESN'T help them if you're exhausted, burned-out and resentful. Get some rest, take care of yourself, TAKE A BREAK and come back stronger and more capable.

One more thing - no matter how much other people need you, you DO deserve to have a life of your own. It's possible to balance their need for care with your need to have a life. Please let me know how I can help.