My Mom is 68. Around 8 years ago we started noticing her forgetfulness. She always claimed it was stress from work. My Mom is a registered Nurse of 40+ years. She has worked all aspects of nursing but specialized in the Operating room. She retired 4½ years ago. She was unable to convert from paper to computer nursing. Soon after she retired we had her evaluated at USF memory disorder clinic. She was diagnosed as having Mild Cognitive Impairment, (MCI). Each year she has been reevaluated and up until this past January MCI remained the diagnosis. This year they said it is early Alzheimers. The hardest part is my Mom's knowledge. She is depressed because she knows what is going on. My father is in complete denial. He covers for her and feels like it's a betrayal to admit she has AD. He makes us feel like we are picking on her if we tell anyone about their little secret. We have been trying to get my Dad into a support group because he is still in denial. He truly HOPES she will get better. How can we get him to accept this disease so he can start coping and learning what he can do to help?
Originally posted by Beth: My Mom is 68. Around 8 years ago we started noticing her forgetfulness. She always claimed it was stress from work. My Mom is a registered Nurse of 40+ years. She has worked all aspects of nursing but specialized in the Operating room. She retired 4½ years ago. She was unable to convert from paper to computer nursing. Soon after she retired we had her evaluated at USF memory disorder clinic. She was diagnosed as having Mild Cognitive Impairment, (MCI). Each year she has been reevaluated and up until this past January MCI remained the diagnosis. This year they said it is early Alzheimers. The hardest part is my Mom's knowledge. She is depressed because she knows what is going on. My father is in complete denial. He covers for her and feels like it's a betrayal to admit she has AD. He makes us feel like we are picking on her if we tell anyone about their little secret. We have been trying to get my Dad into a support group because he is still in denial. He truly HOPES she will get better. How can we get him to accept this disease so he can start coping and learning what he can do to help?
Originally posted by Beth: My Mom is 66. Around 8 years ago we started noticing her forgetfulness. She always claimed it was stress from work. My Mom is a registered Nurse of 40+ years. She has worked all aspects of nursing but specialized in the Operating room. She retired 4½ years ago. She was unable to convert from paper to computer nursing. Soon after she retired we had her evaluated at USF memory disorder clinic. She was diagnosed as having Mild Cognitive Impairment, (MCI). Each year she has been reevaluated and up until this past January MCI remained the diagnosis. This year they said it is early Alzheimers. The hardest part is my Mom's knowledge. She is depressed because she knows what is going on. My father is in complete denial. He covers for her and feels like it's a betrayal to admit she has AD. He makes us feel like we are picking on her if we tell anyone about their little secret. We have been trying to get my Dad into a support group because he is still in denial. He truly HOPES she will get better. How can we get him to accept this disease so he can start coping and learning what he can do to help?
My Mom is 66. Around 8 years ago we started noticing her forgetfulness. She always claimed it was stress from work. My Mom is a registered Nurse of 40+ years. She has worked all aspects of nursing but specialized in the Operating room. She retired 4½ years ago. She was unable to convert from paper to computer nursing. Soon after she retired we had her evaluated at USF memory disorder clinic. She was diagnosed as having Mild Cognitive Impairment, (MCI). Each year she has been reevaluated and up until this past January MCI remained the diagnosis. This year they said it is early Alzheimers. The hardest part is my Mom's knowledge. She is depressed because she knows what is going on. My father is in complete denial. He covers for her and feels like it's a betrayal to admit she has AD. He makes us feel like we are picking on her if we tell anyone about their little secret. We have been trying to get my Dad into a support group because he is still in denial. He truly HOPES she will get better. How can we get him to accept this disease so he can start coping and learning what he can do to help?[/QUOTE][/QUOTE]
My husband who is 60 has been diagnosed with dementia, possible early onset AD. He retired 4 years ago and I do not think he does much all day long. I work full time and generally try to continue my education at the local univ. Currently I feel like my time off from work should be devoted to him because he is alone all day long. He had a lot of difficulty with memory, logical thought, and has loss interest in his hobbies but does not get lost and still drives. Sometimes I want to be in denial and because my expectations have dropped to zero, I sometimes forget how impaired he is. Is there anyone out there in a similar situation?
Posts: 1 | Location: Maine | Registered: Fri December 30 2005
Both of your parents are in a very tough situation - your mom because she's cognitive enough to realize what's happening to her, and your dad because he is in such deep denial. Would your mom be willing to participate in a support group for people diagnosed with AD? It would help her deal with her own fear and anger, and might help your dad get over some of his denial.
Admitting that your mom has AD may be the hardest thing your dad will ever do, because so much of his world view is tied up in her. If she changes, his whole world changes, and that's very hard to deal with. A support group would really help him, if he could bring himself to join one.
You know your parents best; I can't tell you how much to push him to admit there's a problem. He'll get there when he's ready. All you can to is to emphasize to them that you have both of their best interests at heart and are doing the best you can to help them deal with this problem.
Have you considered a support group for yourself? It sounds like you are fairly involved with your parents, and you might benefit from talking to someone who's in similiar circumstances.
The book "The 36-Hour Day" by Mace and Rabins is an excellent reference. It has a chapter called "How caring for an impaired person affects you." You might want to check it out from the library and share some of the insights with your dad.
I hope this helps. Please let me know how things go with you and your parents.
Caroline - I know there are people in our online community who are in a situation similar to yours, and I hope they respond to your post.
In the meantime, you may want to check out The 36-Hour Day by Mace and Rabins, especially the chapters "How caring for an impaired person affects you," and "Caring for yourself."
It's very important that you remember to "take the oxygen first," that is, to take care of yourself. You may want to consider getting some respite care, so that you can have some time for yourself that's not devoted to work or caring for your husband. Could you have a friend or relative, or paid caregiver, spend some time with him while you're at work so he isn't by himself during the day? That might help him be a little less demanding of you in the evenings and weekends. Even a few hours "off duty" could make a lot of difference in YOUR quality of life.
You may also want to take a hard look at his driving. If he does have Alzheimers Disease, even early stage, his ability to drive safely may be impaired. People are understandably reluctant to give up their car keys because driving represents independence and power, but a person with AD isn't necessarily the best judge of his or her driving abilities. Please keep a close eye on his driving. Hopefully, if the time comes that he can't drive safely anymore, he'll hand the keys over to you.
Please keep in touch, and let me know if there's any way I can help.
Sean W. Scott Esq, Florida Elder Law and Medicaid
