My mom is in her early 80's and startng to show some signs of Alzheimer's, forgetfullness and some bizar behavior. I have to keep reminding her of the simplest things. Its really upsetting. So much so that I dread confronting her and find myself avoiding her in what probably is her greatest time of need. What to do? I would appreciate any thoughts or adviced.
g.

Dear Gregory:

My Mother is only 57 but is in end stage liver disease. She is very forgetful and sometimes doesn't know who I am, however, with your Mother be very patient and understand that it is not her fault that she is going through these stages. I find that kindness and just agreeing as long as it doesn't hurt her in any way is the best. Being 80 years old is truely a blessing. Please spend more time with your Mother, you will find out many things about her and her life that you can pass on to your family.

Best Wishes.

Hi Gregory,
I myself am going thru the same thing you are. I have a 92 year old Aunt who is like a mother to me and she has dementia which I believe is just a nice name for Alzheimer's. For a long time I was in denial with her. I did not want to see what was happening. She was a classy lady with a lot of spunk so it was sad for me to see her deteriorate. I used to try to reason with her and correct her and it would drive me crazy to repeat myself every 10 minutes and for her to disagree with me all the time about everything I said and I was sure of. It was not until I gave up the battle of trying to reason with her that I finally got some relief. Now, no matter what she saids, I do not correct her. If she tells me it is August of 1923 instead of November 2003 I just agree with her. If she tells me she is going to quit her job, I tell her I think she should if that is what she would like to do. If she tells me she went to Canada last week, I ask her how her trip was. I guess it is normal for us caretakers to feel guilt in not wanting to confront them and find ourselves avoiding the situation. Do not feel alone! I feel the same way! I do not like having her in a facility but she wanders off all the time looking for something. She cannot be alone and I live alone and work so I cannot be around 24/7 to watch her. You have my upmost respect and understanding. I know exactly where you are at and it is not a nice place to be.
Anna

Hi Gregory
I have to agree with Anna's advise to you. When my husband's parents moved in with us, I was continually trying to correct them or remind them of things and it also usually ended up in an argument (it I allowed it to). It's the least upsetting for everyone to just go along with what they are thinking at the time. I have a problem with out and out lying to anyone, but I don't mind asking them questions in regards to their statements.."I need to go home tomorrow..you do? How are you going to get there?" that type of thing. It works wonders for both them and you!

Linda

Hi Linda,
You also have my respect and understanding! Wow, taking in both your husbands parents is a big job and responsibility. And I have to give you credit to reply back when they tell you they have to go home in the morning. I do not even venture there anymore.
I took my Aunt out to get her a pair of shoes and when we got back to the ASL, she refused to get out of the car.......told me she was not going in and she was going home. I asked her how she was going to get there. She told me to get out of the car as she was going to drive herself there and became quite adament about it.
Needless to say, I took the keys and went for help from the staff to quiet her down. So I am really careful where I go with a question. LOL!
Sometimes I have to find some humor in it all to keep from going crazy! Most of the time I want to cry because I feel so helpless.
Anna

Hi again Anna
Actually my husband's mother died May 31. Talk about a tough time. I think about it though and I truely feel that the stage you are going through with your Aunt and I am now going through with my FIL is harder than endstage. At endstage yes..I did have to do everything for momma, plus deal with extreme aggitation, etc. well..it was rough. But having daddy to deal with without him having momma to talk to (or rather listen to him) is unbelievably hard. He demands your attention continually. He is bored out of his mind and can't concentrate on the tv long enough to sit and watch much of anything. He wants to still take walks and I worry about the coming day that he will get lost coming home. He is constantly talking about money and where his is (which is a sore topic with me). It's hard. I know and I cry a whole lot too.
Lot of love, it's good to have found a new friend, Linda

Linda

It seems that I am on a road well traveled. I thank all of you for showing me that. I found the advice to appreciate what she still has to give to pass on to the family especially encouraging. I too have go to the impass much like the incident in the car. I tend to just "go bulistic" on the inside, I just get so angry. Knowing that you have been there and seeing how you delt with it, by going inside the facility to get help to quiet her down was great. I will use that idea next time. I think it would also help me to gain a bit of perspective.

Say what do you all think about medicaitions. I am having the darndest time convincing her to take her heart medication.

Gregory.

Hi my friends.....
thought I would express myself on Auntie a bit today since her Birthday and Thanksgiving is over. I had her over to my house for both and have been considering bringing her to stay with me for awhile in January. The home she is at is $3000 a month plus another $1000 or more for prescriptions. Most of which they try for a week and then throw away. I get very upset with that! I spend days trying to pay the medical bills, make phone calls etc.
Anyway, she was her usual self on Thanksgiving. Demanding, bored and wanting constant attention. I MEAN constant. Insisting that I give her all her money and check books etc. The usual. She wants everything but her bills. LOL! She loses everything including her money, walker, glasses, pocketbook, clothes and then accuses the workers of the facility of stealing them. It is an endless battle. Everytime I go there she has on someone elses clothes and hers are packed in a suitcase. I just try to stay cool and deal with her like a child. Hope all is well with the rest of you.
Anna

Hi Anna, Sounds like we are reading from the same book. Are you staying with her or do you have help?

Hi Gregory, taking meds. Thats a tough one. I have resorted to hiding them in the food. Does not always work, but better than crushing them up. I heard that can change the way the drugs are taken up in the system. Anybody else?

G.A.

Glen is right on that one. Always check with your pharmacist before crushing meds. If it is a time-released formula and you crush it, you are essentially giving 12 hours of meds in one shot.

Hi ya'll, I'm still vasilating between my Mom does/doesn't really have this disease. Some of her thinking is so clear. It's like I KNOW she does but does she really? Does that make any sense? She is living at home with 24/7 care- givers. I am the only daughter (and it seems with that title, the one "in-charge") and I live 60 miles away. She is doing well at home & I've been told that it's best to leave her in familar surroundings as long as possible. I thank God every day that she has the financial ability (so far) to be able to live there. I spend the day with her at least weekly and on occasion will stay overnight. In the last six weeks or so I've noticed a few changes .... ones that make me very sad. Tonight my daughter and I saw the movie "The Notebook" after which I at peace with my father's death (Nov. 24, 2000) because of the thankfulness I feel that he didn't live to watch the lady he loved so dearly be consumed by this awful, awful disease. Thank you all for being here, cuz I do need support!

Hi Cookie and welcome to our group! It is normal to have the feelings you are experiencing. Be sure to check with your local Alzheimer's Association about support groups in the area or join us here on Wednesday at noon for our online group. Your mom may okay at home for a while, but eventually she may need more care. What kind of changes are you noticing that concern you? If you would like to talk, please call me at 727-578-2558. Also, pick up the book the 36 Hour Day it has many helpful hints and ideas. Hope to see you here on Wednesday...Good luck!

Hello. After being on this site, I am feeling less alone. My father has vascular dementia, a little different from Alzheimers in that it is not necessarily a steady decline, although he has progressed rapidly. A year ago he was driving a car. He got lost trying to find my home on Thanksgiving. He was at the neighbor's house. He got very upset when I took over the bill paying and when we informed him that we did not want him to drive. He progressed to the point that he could not be alone so he was in a daycare situation for about six weeks. (I work part-time in a demanding stressful job and am married with three active boys!) He entered the nursing home in June of '04 and it has not been all that easy. He did not understand why he was there and, I believe because of his dementia, became agitated and after about three weeks entered the hospital for evaluation and was put on some heavy duty drugs. Since then I have struggled with trying to make sure he is not overmedicated. He sleeps a lot and shuffles when he walks. Worse than that, he often makes no sense when he talks. I have had a couple of good days with him. He is able to communicate and knows who I am and we laugh and he dances and sings. I cherish those days. My mother has the beginning stages of Alzheimer's. I feel that I am about to live last year all over again. It is not easy. My family is supportive but they need me to be mom. I have a wonderful group of friends who are supportive but they can only do so much. For every caregiver who is just starting this journey, hang in there. There will be good days and bad days. I have the 36 Hour Day It is a wonderful book and will help! Take Care.